THINGS ARE GOING TO HAVE TO CHANGE AROUND HERE

It's that time of the year again where I tell you another excuse as to why I stopped blogging for a while even though I promised to do it differently from now on. Well, I'm tired of doing that. I'm tired of writing excuses. If I don't upload to this blog for multiple weeks or months because I don't feel like sharing so be it. I'm not trying to turn this into a business, and this is my space, so I might as well do what I want with it.

The past few months of my life have been interesting. This whole year has been very interesting and very different to all the years before. I finally left full-time education and am now sat in London, three months into my journey abroad of my gap year. Am I happy? Am I frustrated? I don't really know. I'm not really sure how I'm feeling about a lot of things these days. There's a lot of confusion in my head, a lot of things I'm trying to figure out at the same time, not necessarily in a bad way, but it's just taking time to figure out where I want to go in my life, what I want to achieve and who I want to be. As much as I didn't have a "this abroad experience changed my life for the best" moment, I can see that it is changing me and the view that I have on life and a lot of things that come with it. 2018 has been a year of a lot of tears and confusion, but also of growth, which I am really thankful for, even though it can be very frustrating at times. Things have not being going as perfectly as I wished for, but somehow I'm still making progress personally. I'm still learning a lot about myself and I'm learning to be much more independent, which is beautiful.

I am not sure where I will be in two months time, who I will be and what I will be doing, but I know that eventually I am going to make the right decisions for myself, even though right now it all feels like nothing is going anywhere and I'm going to get stuck in another rud. I'm a firm believer in the saying that everything happens for a reason, and every decision you make is eventually the right one for you. Every decision we take turns into a lesson for ourselves. It can be a positive or a negative one, but eventually, either of them are there to help us grow and shape us into the people who we are meant and want to be.

Last night I watched this amazing documentary on Netflix about Tony Robbins. Interestingly, although he has been doing this job for a long time, I had never actually heard of him. And it was so fascinating to hear his thoughts and very motivating. I often have a very hard time applying words like his to my life for the long-run, but I feel like it's worth giving a try. If you feel like you are stuck in your life right now, or if you just generally need some motivation and inspiration to pick your life back up, I really recommend you to watch his documentary.

I don't really know what this post is about to be honest, but then I guess that's what my type of update posts are usually like. I'm just trying to get some thoughts down.

I think this blog is going to have a lot less "planned" content on it from now on maybe, and a lot more about thinking processes and things that are on my mind. Maybe. Maybe not. We shall see. We shall see how often I will even post, but I guess this is it for now. I'm still trying to figure out my spot in the blogging sphere.


- 21 - 11 - 2018 -

WORK EXPERIENCE ABROAD: The Big Adventure - Why, Where & How You Do It

Last year I spent four weeks abroad near Brighton, England, doing work experience at a company that focuses on school trip tourism. During these four weeks I did not only manage to learn a lot about that job and what working in a country that speaks a different language is like, but I also got to know a culture that I have adored for years a lot better, live in a country that I have always been interested in, meet new people, find more confidence both in speaking and working and whilst doing that explore many new places and have the time of my life. I've found work experience abroad to really be a blessing for myself and my future, and whether you are here because you are already planning an internship abroad or are just interested in it, I hope this blog post is going to help you in some way. There are many things to consider, but there are also many reasons why doing work experience abroad is an amazing thing one can do in their life.

WHY

Work experience is something that is crucial for your future, particularly if you are younger and not yet qualified in a certain job field. In Germany, it is common to do a few work experiences during your school time - three in my case. It helps you broaden your knowledge and understanding of the job world and at the same time help you in finding out what you would like to do in the future. Doing work experience where you live is a good thing, and you should definitely make use of that, but if that's not enough for you, or if you want to try something different and challenge yourself even further - a work experience abroad might be for you. 

When I found out that my school would give me the chance to do my work experience abroad, if I wanted to, I think I might have screamed a little because I got so exited. Especially if you are interested in other cultures, other countries, travelling and/or languages, doing work experience in a different country is definitely the way to go.

Although, I definitely want to mention, that you do NOT have to speak a language well in order to do work experience in a certain country. The thought behind giving people the chance to work abroad for a while, is not only to gain work experience, but also, to be able to improve your language skills.

And on the other hand - even if you already speak that language perfectly fine, you should definitely still keep in mind all the other great opportunities that come with doing work experience abroad. You get to know a job in a different country, which might have different ways of doing things than in your own country and will possibly be faced with new challenges. You will be able to get to know a different culture and explore a whole new area during your stay. You will meet new people, learn many new things and have the time of your life, all whilst working. It will also help you become more independent, particularly if you still live at home in your own country.

WHERE

This is obviously a personal choice, but there are some aspects you should consider, when choosing where to do your work experience. First one would be language. As I said, speaking a language perfectly well is not what you should base your country of choice on, but in order to be able to work in a different country, you need to at least have basic knowledge of the language.

In general, take into consideration, that the better your language skills are, the more challenging and "difficult" jobs you will be able to get. If you are going somewhere to better your language skills, working as a waiter in a restaurant might work perfectly fine for you, but if your focus is on the actual work experience in a "more skilled" job, i.e. in the tourism or business sector, then you are better off choosing a country which's language you are more aware and in power of.

A different aspect one should put into consideration, is money. Work experience abroad itself isn't very cheap, so choose wisely, depending on your financial situation. For example, doing work experience in Australia will be much more expensive for you if you live in Europe, than doing it in England for example, particularly because of flight prices etc. But obviously if that's what you want to do, that is totally your choice.

Go somewhere, where you are both interested in and somewhere that will help you most at achieving what you are expecting from this work experience. I personally chose England. Not because I particularly wanted to improve my language skills, but mainly because I am really interested in the country, culture and its people, as well as always being interested to see whether I would be able to work in an English speaking company. Choose what feels right for you. It makes no sense going somewhere that you don't like or don't have any interest in whatsoever. 

 HOW

Now, there are two ways of doing this. Either, you go and contact companies yourself, or you decide to pay an organisation to do it for you. Both has it's pros and cons.

Pros of doing it all yourself are definitely that you have much more of a choice as in where you want to work, and if you have any contacts, you can make use of that. And you also save the money that you will otherwise pay to a company to help you with finding your spot. But the cons are definitely that you have to do a lot more admin work, and it will possibly take you longer to find a company that will want to work with you, as they might not usually choose people from abroad for their work experience spots. If you don't have a place to stay where you are going, you will also have to find a hotel, a room or a host family yourself. If you are fine with all of that, definitely go for it.

The pros of choosing an organisation to help you with finding work experience are definitely that you have to do a lot less work yourself in trying to find a spot, which can take off a lot of pressure. They will also be able to help you find a work experience spot that is perfect for the level of your language skills, as well as considering your own interests in what field you want to work in. They can also help you finding a host family or a hotel for your stay. The cons however are, that you will also have to pay the organisation a certain amount of money for their work, and you also might get a little less choice in where you are going to be able to work (i.e. you will get a list of 10 or so different job fields that you can choose to work in, which might not always cover your interests). 

Another tip I can definitely give you, is to do a lot of googling. Find out about other people's experiences and what organisations they went with. If you decide to do it all yourself, start by deciding on what cities and jobs you are looking for, look out for companies that cover these fields and start contacting them about whether they would be willing to offer you a spot for work experience, should they approve of your CV. If you decide to go with an organisation however, go on google and find out about all the different organisations that offer to help you with work experience in the country of your choice. Compare them, price, performance and interest wise, and also - find out about fairs and conferences in your area. Where I live there a student exchange fair happening every few months or so, where many companies are invited, covering every field from work experience, to Au Pair and language courses or High School Years Abroad. It can be a great help chatting to the people in person that organise these work experiences, and might help you answer the questions you might have. Even if you don't want to choose an organisation, and do it all yourself, this might be helpful, as they might be able to give you some tips. 

In the end, you will have to choose which way will be the right one for you. I personally went with an organisation. If you want to find out what I thought of that, and what my personal experiences during the general work experience where, I am going to be uploading a blogpost on that very soon, and link this HERE, as soon as it is available.

DON'T FORGET

As fun as it sounds to go abroad for a while and explore somewhere new whilst also gaining work experience, there are some things you must consider.

Money is definitely a factor that could possibly limit a lot of people from doing this. However, if that's the case for you, don't give up straight away. There are always ways of making it work. Making compromises and possibly working to gain some more money for the trip can turn things around easily. Work experience abroad is an expensive thing to do, but it can be so fulfilling and you might have the time of your life. It can and very likely will be absolutely worth it to work your butt off in order to make this trip possible.

When calculating the cost of your trip, take into consideration that you will have to pay for flights or trains to get there and get back home, possibly pay an organisation, pay a host family, hotel or room for the length of your stay, and also that you will have all sorts of expenses for food, transport to work and around where you live, possible trips to explore the area and anything else that you might want to buy whilst there.

Also, don't forget to get a travel insurance for the duration of your stay, just in case anything happens to you, because otherwise any accident might become really expensive for you afterwards. 

~

So, what do you think? Are you ready to take on the world of working abroad? What are you thinking? If you have any thoughts or possible questions you might want to share, feel free to do so below or give me a shout via e-mail! :)

Love, Jacqueline Xx

~

"We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. 
There is no end to the adventures we can have if we only we 
seek them with our eyes open."

- Unknown

When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi #BOOKREVIEWS

School is done, which means Summer is finally here and I am finally back to blogging! Get prepared for hopefully a big load of blog posts within the following weeks, as I am finally able to put time back into the things that I enjoy doing, whilst preparing for my gap year and uni! Get ready!!! 😊

What I expected was a beautiful novel about a middle-aged man who gets cancer but that is also a neurosurgeon. (I mean, as beautiful as that can be.) Stupid me should have definitely read the description properly, because what I had in my hands was not just another cancer novel, but the real life story and thoughts of a real neurosurgeon who gets lung cancer, written in a sort of autobiographical way. I was actually genuinely excited to read a fiction work about someone with cancer, so I have to admit that I did feel a little bit let down when I read the first few pages of the first chapter and had to come to a different realization: that this book was going to be very different from what I had expected it to be. Nevertheless, I decided to read the rest of the book with an open mind and forget about what I had anticipated it to be about, and that turned out to a very good idea.

But before I tell you what I thought of Paul Kalanithi's work, here's a better overview of what the novel is actually about:

“At the age of thirty-six, on the verge of completing a decade’s training as a neurosurgeon, Paul Kalanithi was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer. One day he was a doctor treating the dying, the next he was a patient struggling to live. When Breath Becomes Air chronicles Kalanithi’s transformation from a medical student asking what makes a virtuous and meaningful life into a neurosurgeon working in the core of human identity – the brain – and finally into a patient and a new father. What makes life worth living in the face of death? What do you do when when life is catastrophically interrupted? What does it mean to have a child as your own life fades away? Paul Kalanithi died while working on this profoundly moving book, yet his words live on as a guide to us all. When Breath Becomes Air is a life-affirming reflection on facing our mortality and on the relationship between doctor and patient, from a gifted writer who became both.”  

(- Source: Amazon U.K.)

It's not a long book itself with only about 220 pages, but the first few pages did seem a little tiring. I found it a little hard to get into the novel, particularly because I felt like some scenes about his youth didn't really seem to add up to the story that the actual novel was about.

The beginning of the novel to me seemed a little too slow and too little thought-through, but throughout the following pages Paul's words and story seem to be getting stronger and more interesting, the further his story and illness progresses. He manages to give both a wonderful insight into the hard work that neurosurgeons all over the world are facing every day, whilst also showing what cancer can do to your mind and life, and how he tried to work and deal with it.

At times it did feel like the focus was set more on his life and story as a neurosurgeon, rather than his actual dealings with cancer. whether that's a problem for you I guess depends on what you're looking for in a book like that. If you only want to get an insight into someone's cancer story, then maybe it is not “the” novel you're looking for. 

Personally I found it really interesting to get an insight into the work of a neurosurgeon, how he has to and does deal with certain things most of us don't even think about when we see these people working. It's very eye-opening in that case, probably because it is written from such a personal angle, because I feel like, way too often, doctors are not really given full acknowledgement for what they do and what they have to deal with in their personal life in order to pursue their work.

If you want to read this book, I definitely recommend at least a slight interest in medicine/neurology, because otherwise, I am not sure how much of a pleasure it will be for you to read.

But please don't get me wrong here – I am not trying to tell you that this is a bad novel or that you shouldn't read it! Definitely not! Yes the beginning is a little slow, yes it's not a perfect piece of written art, but Paul Kalanithi has done a great job at opening eyes. And he does tell it kind of like a story, it's not written like it's just a long article about his life events, and I think that's also what makes it really interesting.

All in all, I'd probably give this book a 3,5 out of 5 stars. It's a little slow at times, and probably not something for someone that isn't at least in the slightest interested in neurology or working in medicine, but it is definitely worth a read. With a beautiful style of writing, Paul Kalanithi tells the reader about his work and life threatening terminal cancer, his experiences, struggles and dealing with both and therefore gives a wonderful insight into what it is like to be both a neuroscientist and a cancer patient, which is really eye-opening. If that sounds like it could be something you're interested in, definitely give it a read. It's not the best book on earth, but it's definitely a good one! 

Have a wonderful week everyone ♥

The Past & the Future - Looking Forward | 2018

To say that 2017 was a good year for me would be a lie, but then so would be saying that it was completely bad. It just wasn't the same as the years before.

Pretty much since 2012 I had been on a constant high every year. Everything was working out just fine. Yes there were moments of struggle that weren't that fun, but overall I had the best time of my life in the years between 2012 and 2016, and grew more than ever (in a mental way obviously haha). I traveled loads, wrote a ton, grew confidence, learned to be myself, worked hard and did everything to live a happy life.

In these aspects, 2017 was no different, but somehow it still seems like a downer compared to the years before. But I knew it would be coming. Throughout these 4 years I was constantly scared for that down, because, thinking realistically, I knew it would come sooner or later, whether I wanted to or not.

Particularly in the second half of the year, I really struggled. I couldn't get myself to work out regularly anymore, couldn't get myself to write anymore, which also had its impact on this blog, as you might have noticed, I photographed less, I felt like I was working less hard for school and getting lazier than ever, which I hate because I love working but I just often couldn't get myself to do it. And also, all of a sudden I started re-thinking all of my plans for my post A-Level future all over again. Moreover, I also managed to break my rule of not giving a shit about men and relationships until after my A-Levels. Don't get me wrong, I definitely don't regret my choices - it just sucks a little when things don't turn out the way you want them to, but sometimes life just has different plans for you I guess.

To sum it up, my mental health in the second half of the year wasn't that great, and it's still not back to where I would like it to be, although I know that, eventually, I will find my way back to the road. I don't know what it was that set this downfall of, but yeah.

This year has started off with me completely not being in the mood for new year. Not because I didn't want a fresh start, but just because mentally I was not in the right mindset for it. I usually love New Year's and making resolutions and doing lots of planning and looking back. This year was different. But now, a few days into the year, I feel like I am slowly getting into the right mind set of wanting to leave 2017 in the past and looking forward.

But for now, let's reflect on some of the awesome stuff that happened last year because, nevertheless, there were still many wonderful things that happened.

THE FUN SIDE OF 2017

The year started off with snow, fun birthday parties and also writing loads. Just a day after Valentine's day I managed to finish writing the first draft of my NaNoWriMo 2016 novel with 123,7k words and 145 pages. That was definitely an achievement. I am yet to write about 95% of the second draft, but I hope that eventually I will actually work my way through that because I am actually quite proud of my work, even though the plot still needs a lot of improving.

Me and one of my best friends also started a habit of going for breakfast every now and then and even though I hate getting up so early, I have really found a love for these breakfast meetings.

I had planned on reading 40 books throughout the year, which I didn't do, but I finally got a bit more adventurous with my reading. George Orwell, Jane Austen, Truman Capote, biographies about Michelle Obama - basically a lot of stuff that wasn't my basic young adult or science-fiction novel - and I enjoyed it a lot. I started reading a lot of these due to the fact that I thought about applying for university in Scotland, which I later realized I do not have the funds for, but I am still very glad I did so and I am planning on reading more of that stuff and experiment more.

In May I went to see Shawn Mendes in concert, and even though the people around me were not giving away great concert and singing vibes at all, I still had the best time, and I am still muchly in love with Shawn's album and also James TW's music.

I also spent loads of time with my godchild, which I adore, I spent hours and hours driving through my area blasting out Harry's and Niall's album or whatever the hell was on the radio. There were BBQs on the river, shopping trips to Frankfurt and amusement parks. Basically I took the year to spend a lot more time with my friends, and I really enjoyed that.

And then, at the start of June the long-awaited day finally came, and I went off on an adventure I shall never forget. For a whole month I lived in central Brighton with a sweet, elderly couple and also did work experience in tourism. I was always scared I couldn't work in a company that only speaks English, even if my English isn't bad, but let me tell you - I loved it, even if sometimes I just couldn't wait to get out of there for the day. Although I don't really think that was due to the place I worked at. The team was really really lovely and I enjoyed working with them, but if you are living in Brighton for just one month and you love traveling, you just want to go out and explore. And I did do a lot of that. Not as much as I thought I would, but you know what, I can always go back, and I am really happy with what I did get to see and experience. 

Nevertheless, I did still see a lot of new places and make a lot of new experiences, and particularly, ticked a lot of things off of my bucket list. I mean I was always joking about how my perfect way of meeting Danielle Peazer would be getting to dance and work out with her - well, guess who did exactly that all in one evening, after almost having a melt down because all trains were delayed and I had to practically sprint straight to London from my first day at work. It was the best night ever, and even though I knew no one else, I had so much fun, and I loved meeting Danielle and talking to her. That's definitely an experience I would love to re-live.

I went to London a few times. I saw the Queen, Kate, William, the kids, everyone, I explored new parts of London, I explored all of Brighton that I could, spent hours at the beach and strolling through the supermarket and WHSmiths. I'm really grateful I got to experience that month. England just makes me so happy, and whatever the hell I eventually turn out to do during my gap year, I am most definitely going back to Brighton, because it somehow feels like my second home now.

I came back home to a whole of six weeks ahead of me, which I loved spending with my friends during game nights, in the park, amusement parks, shopping or whatever the hell else we did.

And I also got to tick off something else of my bucket list - going to Greece. I have been wanting to go ever since I was really young, so when I finally persuaded my parents and we decided to go to Greece in the Summer, I was pretty much over the moon. Even though we didn't explore as much of Crete as I would have liked to, due to the location of our (awesome!) hotel, I still had a fab time. It's such a pretty country and I would love to explore more of it in the future.

Some time after the new school year started we also went to London and Bournemouth on our last ever school trip, and we had a fab time, even though it definitely not go completely smoothly. When you have the right people to spend your time with, not even bad weather or curfews can destroy your trip. I wish I could go back to that time.

I went to see my favourite German comedian, went to the book fair and met some authors, got close to a special person, went on an Autumn photography trips and took a billion weird Snapchat photos.

And throughout all of that I still went to school and had a heck of a lot to do with exams and homework, but in a few months time that will all be over, and I'm probably going to miss always having something to do for school. I just love working too much sometimes I guess. Yeah, I know, I'm weird.

The year ended with celebrating my birthday with my favourite people, a pretty relaxing Christmas, seeing "The Greatest Showman" in the cinema and a New Year's party, so overall I'd say, there were still many fun and successful moments of 2017.

I probably missed a lot because I literally just scrolled through my camera roll and I didn't take pictures of everything I did but oh well, I guess you'll do just about fine with what you've got.

GOALS FOR 2018

I have concluded not to write down a bunch of goals I want to achieve this year, because in the end, I'm not going to do half of these things anyway. In past years I put stuff on that list like wanting to work out 6 days a week, eat healthier, read 40 books and write 5,000 words per week, and as much as that's great, I just don't feel like it works for me right now.

You know how many times I have worked out so far this year? I think I did about 3 yoga videos. You know how many healthy things I've had since the start of the year? I've had salad twice and a little bit of fruit to snack on once. Apart from that I have been living on whatever the hell I've been craving. And you know what - I'm fucking fine with it. I do feel better when I work out, and I enjoy that feeling after a really good workout and seeing yourself getting more toned, but I don't want to spend my life constantly thinking about how toned my abs are. If I want a fucking burger, I'm gonna have that fucking burger and not give a fuck about whether I'll bloat afterwards or how it isn't exactly healthy. If I want a burger, so be it. If I want a salad, so be it. If I just want to stuff my face with whatever food I find all day, so be it. Not feeling like working out for two weeks straight? Fine with that. Feeling like signing up to a gym again and going to all the classes in a week? Fine too.

In the past few years I have spent way too much time restricting myself and giving myself "orders" in terms of fitness and food. I don't want to do that anymore. Yes, your health is important. But health means physical and mental health, and if those two aren't cooperating, it's just not healthy. Does that make any sense? I hope it does.

So then what are my plans for 2018 you might think? To sum it up in few words, I would basically just say I want to live my life however the fuck I want, I want to do everything that makes me happy, I want to find love for my passions again, I want to love life and stop worrying about everything. I just want to enjoy my life this year, and make sure that I get my mental health back up there. Life is too short to worry about everything. This year I just want to enjoy myself and live the best life I can. I now realize that this must sound kinda cringey maybe, but so be it.

Talking about goals, I had actually planned on going to bed a little earlier tonight because I wasn't really feeling it, even though I had been staying up until about 3am in the past few days. Well, it's already 1.20am, and I could probably still be writing down for hours if I let myself, but we all know I don't do short texts anyway, so I better not let myself keep writing for too long, because you are probably bored out already. If not, thank you very much haha.

Concerning this blog, I don't know what I am going to do. I would like to think that I will finally start blogging properly again, but I am not going to promise anything. I had a really good time on this blog in the past two years, even if I haven't really uploaded much since I went to England, but I just need to overcome my fear of this taunting blank page right now, and also find out what it is that I want to talk about on this blog. There might be some topic changes compared to what there was before, there might not be. I am not sure yet. I also won't give myself an uploading schedule as long as my A-Level exams are still in eye-sight. But I'd like to think that over the next few months I will find my way back to this blog a few more times than in the past few weeks, because I really enjoy dropping my thoughts into the world, and I do love writing, even though I have barely done so in the past few months. I just need to find the way back to myself and find out what I want and need, so we'll see how that goes. Right now, as I am writing this, I have to say that this is awfully satisfying to do so again, but I am almost sure it will take me a lot of motivation to start another plain document in the next few days so let's see about that.

EXITING PLANS

Apart from talking about resolutions and blogging, there is also some other stuff happening in 2018 that are both exiting and scary to think of.

This is the year, that after 13 years of school, tremendous loads of homework, exams, tears, drama and all that goes along with it, I will (if all goes to plan, which I think it hopefully will) finish school this Summer. It's so weird to think that I am not going to go back there, but instead start something completely knew. I mean, yes, uni is still kind of similar, but it's still a big step. There's still a road ahead before I will finally set off into the proper working world, but still, it's a big step.

And with finishing my A-Levels also comes the thought of what I am going to do after that. I am going to be taking a gap year, that I am sure of. What exactly my plans will be, that is still in the works, but I shall let you know, once all is in secure sheets.

Apart from that I have already got a trip to Bulgaria planned with people from school, which will happen shortly after we get our certificates, and a Paris and Sweden trip are in the works as well.

Oh and I am going to turn 20 this year! What the freaking heck? How did that happen? Didn't I get that lego box for my 4th birthday like yesterday? I'm still not ready to adult - heeeeelp!

I'm exited to see what the year will bring. A lot is going to change, that is for sure, but I am hoping that these changes will be for the best. I mean, fate better know what its plans are for me. I am scared of the time after my A-Levels, scared of loosing touch with people who have found a very dear place in my heart, scared of what will happen to me and what I will do or will not do. It's scary to think of, but I am just going to try and make the best of whatever life throws at me. I want to make 2018 better than 2017. I am grateful for everything that happened to me in 2017, because it shaped me, but I am exited to work even harder to live my life to the fullest this year. I'm ready for you 2018, bring it on!

What are your goals for 2018? What are you looking forward to? 

I hope you have a fabulous year!

Love, Jacqueline Xx